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Creative Writing 8 years 8 months ago #82639

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I know there are a few writers here, so I thought I'd make a thread so people can post links to their work and get intelligent feedback from the people who matter - the members of thepumpkins.net!!! :thumbsup

As I've previously mentioned, I like creative writing and I usually tend to write dark mysteries for young adults. Most of the time I keep my work away from everyone except close friends, but I've decided to be a little more outgoing and reach out for the feedback from a variety of people. About a week ago I signed up at a site called storymash.com where amateur writers and inspiring novelists can post their work for others to read and get feedback. So far I've met some really nice people there, so while I don't know if this is the best site for this kind of thing, I've enjoyed my time on there so far.

I've just started work on a brand new novel titled "The Park" and it focuses on the theme of child abduction. I've been uploading very short chapters as I write them - and at present it's been one a day. I would like to invite anyone here to read the work I've posted so I can get more feedback.

I of course, will gladly read anyone else's work likewise.

The link to The Park's first chapter is here storymash.com/u/MrLightening/derevavi/

My pen name over there is MrLightening btw (after Lightening Strikes! of course). I've posted a couple of short stories there too, and will probably be posting more.

Thanks a bunch guys! :mike
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 8 months ago #82684

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Here is the start of my story:

A WARNING

I’m going to let you in on a secret.
Pedophiles are everywhere.
It is very difficult to tell that a person is a pedophile just by looking at him (or her).
Because pedophiles look like ordinary people.
They dress in ordinary clothes and work in ordinary jobs.
In fact, it is very hard to tell a pedophile apart from a normal person. These creatures have everything in common with you or I – right down to emotions of their heart; to the dirt under their fingernails.
In fact the only difference between pedophiles and ordinary people, is that pedophiles have an abnormal interest in children. More often than not they choose to keep this to themselves.
But make no mistake, pedophiles are extremely dangerous.
For the millions who do nothing, there will be thousands who do something.
For the thousands who are caught, there are hundreds that never are.
And for the hundreds of pedophiles that don’t kill children, there are still a few who do.
Would you believe me if I told you there were people even worse than this?
People who dress in ordinary clothes and live ordinary lives?
This is my warning to the mothers and fathers of the world –
A warning to children with brothers and sisters –
These people are real. Be afraid and be aware.
You may think you haven’t met one.
But you probably have.

To continue reading: storymash.com/u/MrLightening/kolapave/
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82694

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Well, this is a genious idea.
I'd also love to upload some of my novels but they're all in German...
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82706

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Do you write novels Don? :billy
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82719

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Yes I do.
But I had more time for this, once, when I still was in school and studying.
Now working on a stupid job that steals me most of my time, I'm not writing much anymore, though I have many ideas.
I am really looking foreward to the summer of 2012 when my contract on my job runs out and I'm going back to my university - I've left it for the job in first place because I run out of money very soon.

Anyway, these days I'm developing a novel called "Schattengänger" (which means sth like "Shadowwalker").

It is about a girl called Carol that loses touch with our current reality and ends up in another world in her head - a dark and calm place which is very peacful and moody.
The whole world, of course, is a charade and just appearing in Carol's head, she is alife the whole novel over, indeed.
But those are the things that she sees herself into:

She had already died in our reality and she is finding herself in the afterlife which is pretty much formed after thoughts and preferences of her personality.
She's forgotten anything about the "real life", too and doesn't know how she came to the place.
Well, this part is very difficult to explain (especially in English):
There are some rules she gets to know while she gets along in her afterlife's world:
For being able to exist as a physically-gotten refelection of your consciousness in the afterlife, you are in the need of some energy that keeps you "physically" and in control of yourself.
And this is provided to you by a (until the end of the novel ;) ) unknown personality, as long as you cling-on to the rules which simply are to not use the full power of your pure und free consciousness - which means that you could do almost everything - even the appearing in the real life once again.
So the deal is: Stay in your era, enjoy your own world and don't try to do anything that you couldn't do before you died (though most people don't know they're in the afterlife, anyway)
But as the story goes on, she mets another girl (which is her alter ego, the dark parts of her personality that were not "wished" in the afterlife) and a guy called Wolf.
Those two people are part of the so-called "Schattengänger", they're something like insurgents who have found a way to break the boarder's of the afterlife and to get their energy from another source: It is human blood.
Therefor the "Schattengänger" have to go back in to the "real life" periodicaly and get themselves some blood to exist any longer.
And according to how much energy they have while appering to "victims" in the reality they are seen as eg. ghosts, vampires, werwolves or whatever by the people; that's where alll the legends come from.
But this gives them the ability to go to every time and place they want to; real places and ages in reality - everything they could imagine in the afterlife.
And they're hunted by the coachmen of the afterlife.
So, having eplained all this, the main quest of Carol is to find out why she had died, what her former life was all about and who is ruling all over the afterlife.

It will not be as much fantasy-crap as it seems in first place but rather the allegorically story of a girl who never found her place in our reality.
The novel deals with shizophrenia, depression and excessive sexual demand.
At some point, reality and "Carol's world" crash.
The book starts with Carol weaking up from a long sickness - and it ends with the same.
I'm going to end the story with a paradoxon.

I suppose this plot seems like stupid crap to you, but I do really love the world I have created :) .
Last Edit: 8 years 7 months ago by DON.
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82723

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I would read that Don!
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82724

that sounds interesting Don.
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82731

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Thank you Frank! I've been looking for a book to tell me what a pedophile is and if I have met one before, but I never could find one. I usually just sufficed with The Lovely Bones, but that was until now! Thank you Frank for giving me another book on pedophiles to read. It's gonna be a long, sweaty night tonight!

I'm just kidding Frankie. ;)
Chewbacca masks!
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82732

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DON wrote:
The novel deals with shizophrenia, depression and excessive sexual demand.

I need to read this book.
Chewbacca masks!
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82733

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ryon wrote:
DON wrote:
The novel deals with shizophrenia, depression and excessive sexual demand.

I need to read this book.

Hahahahahahahahahahah.

Give Don some tips on the sexual demand part. Hahah.
:D
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82746

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DON wrote:
Yes I do.
But I had more time for this, once, when I still was in school and studying.
Now working on a stupid job that steals me most of my time, I'm not writing much anymore, though I have many ideas.
I am really looking foreward to the summer of 2012 when my contract on my job runs out and I'm going back to my university - I've left it for the job in first place because I run out of money very soon.

Anyway, these days I'm developing a novel called "Schattengänger" (which means sth like "Shadowwalker").

It is about a girl called Carol that loses touch with our current reality and ends up in another world in her head - a dark and calm place which is very peacful and moody.
The whole world, of course, is a charade and just appearing in Carol's head, she is alife the whole novel over, indeed.
But those are the things that she sees herself into:

She had already died in our reality and she is finding herself in the afterlife which is pretty much formed after thoughts and preferences of her personality.
She's forgotten anything about the "real life", too and doesn't know how she came to the place.
Well, this part is very difficult to explain (especially in English):
There are some rules she gets to know while she gets along in her afterlife's world:
For being able to exist as a physically-gotten refelection of your consciousness in the afterlife, you are in the need of some energy that keeps you "physically" and in control of yourself.
And this is provided to you by a (until the end of the novel ;) ) unknown personality, as long as you cling-on to the rules which simply are to not use the full power of your pure und free consciousness - which means that you could do almost everything - even the appearing in the real life once again.
So the deal is: Stay in your era, enjoy your own world and don't try to do anything that you couldn't do before you died (though most people don't know they're in the afterlife, anyway)
But as the story goes on, she mets another girl (which is her alter ego, the dark parts of her personality that were not "wished" in the afterlife) and a guy called Wolf.
Those two people are part of the so-called "Schattengänger", they're something like insurgents who have found a way to break the boarder's of the afterlife and to get their energy from another source: It is human blood.
Therefor the "Schattengänger" have to go back in to the "real life" periodicaly and get themselves some blood to exist any longer.
And according to how much energy they have while appering to "victims" in the reality they are seen as eg. ghosts, vampires, werwolves or whatever by the people; that's where alll the legends come from.
But this gives them the ability to go to every time and place they want to; real places and ages in reality - everything they could imagine in the afterlife.
And they're hunted by the coachmen of the afterlife.
So, having eplained all this, the main quest of Carol is to find out why she had died, what her former life was all about and who is ruling all over the afterlife.

It will not be as much fantasy-crap as it seems in first place but rather the allegorically story of a girl who never found her place in our reality.
The novel deals with shizophrenia, depression and excessive sexual demand.
At some point, reality and "Carol's world" crash.
The book starts with Carol weaking up from a long sickness - and it ends with the same.
I'm going to end the story with a paradoxon.

I suppose this plot seems like stupid crap to you, but I do really love the world I have created :) .


It certainly doesn't sound like stupid crap, rather a wonderful and unique idea. I can see this is extremely deep and means a lot to you, so I hope you can find the time to start writing. I find that if I can't write, or can't find time I set ridiculously low word count goals to get myself going. And then just add to that daily.
(250 words is the usual here, but for crisis I'll sink to 100).
It works. Trust me. It used to take me two hours to write 1000 words, and now it takes 35-40min using this system.

I found though that talking about specific story details before it's written is not good. You can run out of steam that way. Sometimes it's better to keep things underwraps. Just from experience ;)

What other novels have you completed?
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82747

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ryon wrote:
Thank you Frank! I've been looking for a book to tell me what a pedophile is and if I have met one before, but I never could find one. I usually just sufficed with The Lovely Bones, but that was until now! Thank you Frank for giving me another book on pedophiles to read. It's gonna be a long, sweaty night tonight!

I'm just kidding Frankie. ;)

LOL :billy

I'm glad at least you find the idea amusing. Some movies do well with pedophiles, while others don't imo. The Lovely Bones pedophile was okay (real), but that sort of pedophile is easy to spot. I mean, he's a weird guy. He's a weird guy without being a pedophile. The easier they are to spot the less dangerous they are.

Then you take a film like The Woodsman with Kevin Bacon. Sure, it's a good movie. Great acting, decent script. But is this what pedophiles are really like? Is this how we want to betray them in film?
Pedophiles are humans, and it is important to understand that so we can spot them -
But importantly they are also monsters too.

I think the best pedophile betrayed in film was the sports coach from Mysterious Skin. Extremely disturbing but utterly necessary. I ask myself how evil these people are and how they ought to be betrayed, so that's why I'm putting out the story. And as it reads as a suspense novel (the narrator's wife and daughter are abducted and he wants them back) hopefully it will be an enjoyable read!

Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82752

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Gah, Frank finish the story already, don't leave me hanging!
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82755

Don! Find a translator, we need to read your novel. :D
\"With me, it\'s just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything.\"-Woody Allen
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82763

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venison wrote:
Gah, Frank finish the story already, don't leave me hanging!

Thanks for reading venison :billy

I just put another couple of short chapters up. Hopefully I'm feeling creative tomorrow and I can get some serious output done. This story is starting to get ugly! :o
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82861

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A new story from Frankie ;)

GUIDANCE
It's about a man who goes to see a clairvoyant. A discussion about astral traveling ensues. Based on a real life experience (but not a true story).

storymash.com/u/MrLightening/duwahape/
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82924

great thread! I used to do some creative writing back in the day, but stopped for some reason and focused on songs. Perhaps I'll upload a short story or two.
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #82928

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That would be cool Alienbob :billy Looking forward!

Here's something I wrote today. It's pretty stupid, but hey.
The title should sell itself ;)

INSPECTOR BRUDDA: Gay Detective

storymash.com/u/MrLightening/hidevuhu/
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #83105

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Another day, another story.
This one I might be putting together a full series of first person accounts from Serial Killers.
Today's serial killer is a dole bludger who stalks Footy Stars.

SERIAL KILLERS: The Robin Hood Bludger by Frankie

They thought they were Gods. On top of the world. Three footballers from St. Kilda football club were having drinks at a bar in Crown Casino’s VIP section. It was a Thursday night. It was on season too, and I think they were playing on Saturday. Should a Herald Sun journalist have entered this corrupt den of luxury and sin, these boys would probably have made the back page. ST KILDA DISGRACE it would read. An article about alcoholism would follow. Some people in my quarters would find that hilarious. A Centrelink recipient, a welfare cheat, a dole bludger; who drops out of high school and starts getting drunk every single night of the week – that’s not news. That’s what’s forgotten. It does not matter. Because it’s happening everyday, everywhere. But a St. Kilda player who has three beers in the bar on a Thursday, well … he’s asking for trouble.

And the boys tonight are asking for trouble. I watched them from a great distance away, plugging dollar after dollar into the pokie machine, while they drank their drinks at the bar and played Black Jack on the high roller table. A few fans had gathered. Someone took a photograph on his mobile phone, and out of nowhere a Casino attendant grabs him by the scruff of his neck and drags him into the shadows. There are shadows in this casino, people forget. It’s in the shadows that I watched Nicky D and Jared M gamble away 20 grand like it was pocket money. Loose change. A joke to people in my quarter. I think it’s been four years since my account was in the black. Sixty percent rent. Ten percent food. Thirty percent alcohol. It’s the simple equation you can live your life by. As superstars get richer and richer.

To continue reading: storymash.com/u/MrLightening/getitoti/
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Re: Creative Writing 8 years 7 months ago #83107

One question: What's a "pokie machine"? And is it as much fun as it sounds?
Preparation for detonation...
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